Trying to tell myself I gotta blog more. It's always good to record down your thoughts somewhere. Five years later you can look back at all this and smile (or frown).

I hope the bracketed words don't apply to anyone!

Life has just been.. I don't know, normal! A bit better than normal, maybe. Been battling problems of discipline and passiveness/laziness. I find that it's always a lost battle when I rely on my own strength to fight. I win for a day or two, then fall back into it. This time, however, I'm gonna rely on the Holy Spirit.

It's great to rely on the Spirit. He's sooooo powerful. God is really the Almighty. He has power even over the iris timing of buses. He makes buses come in 3 mins, even when iris says 9! Hallelujah.

I'm serious, yknow. Relying on the Spirit makes everything seem so easy, because it is by His strength and not yours.

The Spirit is just such a beautiful person. And He's always with us. Ah.. right now I feel like my life is so great, and it's all because of God.

Hahaha. Jesus must increase, and I must decrease!

Anyway, D-lusion is really coming to pass. SOW's already at lesson 4. The vision is taking shape in reality.. watch out, world!

On a side note, haven't gone to school today and yesterday. Been feeling unwell.. I'm getting irritated with myself. Because when I tell people I'm sick, they don't really believe me. It goes to show what kind of reputation I've set for myself. I don't like it. I really gotta change it.

Hahaha I'm typing that out to motivate myself.

Security training tomorrow. I'm gonna start serving in the house of God soon!

Here's a special hi to Rictus, my first culinary aficionado friend. Can't wait to try his cooking one day, I believe he's an awesome chef! Hahaha.

Time to start picking up my pace in this race!

(Last thing: I think I'm gonna get an electric guitar in the not-so-near future. I'm starting to consider whether I want a blue-and-gold guitar or a pink one. Give me your thoughts!)

I love life :D

2010.. I just want to set this train on track first. Then I'll charge on!

Happy new year everyone!

I'm gonna say goodbye to the past 18 years and 1 month of my life!

So as to amplify God.

Make decisions, then stick with them. All the way. See it through.

It's okay to be shaken, then steady yourself.

Better than let yourself stand firm, and break eventually.

Steady yourself through faith!

Faith's been set.

Mind knows what to do.

Heart knows what to seek.

Even if it doesn't turn out the way I want it to, I know God is in control, so I shan't worry.

At all.

God knows who I am.

I'M READY TO ATTACK LIFE! :D

it's time to simplify life!

a test can get real difficult. really really hard to do. but at the end of the test is a reward greater than I can imagine.

but I just hope all this is part of that reward. i HOPE. hahaha. and I'll hold on to that hope, that bright ray of sunshine, that diamond that sparkles so brilliantly in the light. Until it cannot be hoped anymore!

OR, when it comes to pass, that my hopes are fulfilled!

I like to be optimistic. i guess that's the way i am. i need something to look towards. something to keep me going.

I read in Pst Kevin Loo's devotional.. that God knows we need such 'milestones' to look to, to keep us going. that's why He gave Abraham the Promised Land to look towards, for strength and perseverance. it's like a vision from which we can derive the power to go on.

Hope makes us do silly things like that. but having faith sometimes simply means being silly, i guess.

the heart of a lion, not of a turtle. attack life now!

RAHHHHHH.

What does it mean when they say 'sometimes being strong means letting go,'?

Work's getting kind of tiring. Or maybe it's just the lack of sleep. Time to reorganize everything in my life.. And one thing, the kids at work all mostly nice, quiet and cute and fun, but some can be really really really irritating, in a way that makes you wanna just go boomer on them, and watch the other kids bite them to death. Left4dead2. Hahaha. I went to play it with Weilong at park lane 2 days ago, but the mall actually had a blackout and our game got cut off at map 2. Maybe it's God's way of telling me to stay away from computer games HAHAHA.

Ivan got me pink drumsticks for my birthday, which was kind of long ago. They're interesting. Hahaha. Sharyl mentioned that all my presents this year were musical stuff.. a guitar and drumsticks. I got a peculiarly cute-looking pink soft toy too.. and I was really surprised how good it felt to hug it to sleep. Soft toys are great things. They make you feel like you're loved. I think they make great gifts. They kind of carry the love from whoever gave it to you. Really, people, get a soft toy if you don't have one already. They feel so much better than bolsters hahaha.

Sometimes in life, you get caught up in things. Emotions, feelings, circumstances, whatever. It's easy for us as humans to feel limited, feel victimized, feel unfairly treated. Really really easy. And when we take the first step in that direction... it's hard to turn back. Ever went down a flight of stairs, and realize you have to go up again? You just don't feel like it. But you can. It just takes a single step upwards again, and you're on your way. It's much harder to go up than down, of course.

Okay anyway, as I was saying, sometimes you get tangled up in the world. You jostle around, try to get all that spiderweb off you, but the more you struggle, the more entangled you become. You get so increasingly frustrated. Every time you try to do something to fix the situation, it gets worse. And all that web sticks to you, and you feel like it will never go away, never get off you. I think it's times like these that we gotta have faith, and be still. We are in this world, but not of this world. The world we belong in is a different world altogether. Times like these, we gotta stand still, and pray. And by faith, a single breath will come down from God, and blow all these spider-threads away from you. You'll be freed of the webs that tied you down, stuck so stubbornly to you. And you will then, by God's grace, be free. Also, God knows every single problem you have. He doesn't just blow away most of the web, He blows away ALL of it. That's an absolute term. ALL.

But sometimes we gotta realize that God's breath is a gentle one. He blows away all the web on us, but there's a bit of web that's held within our clenched fists. That bit, He will never force you to let go of. That bit binds you down to the earth, holds you away from God. That bit doesn't stick to you at all.. it's you that chooses to stick to it. Only a pure dose of faith, coming directly from your heart, will gently unclench that tightly-held together hand of yours. But the little bit of web won't fly away from you. It's you that will fly away from it.

Spiderwebs in my life, begone! I don not the tunics made of arachnid silk, but the whole armor of God, in its glorious blue and gold! And with the silver sword that is the word of God I will cut down those threads.

I'm running after God. Who's coming with me? :D

A week into my job.. and things are going pretty well. Kids are still cute, but some are getting really irritating.. but they're more or less alright. Gets busy sometimes, but nothing too bad to handle. Really feel like going rollerblading when I see the kids skating so happily. Who's up for it! :D

Men's Conference is over. First ever Men's Conference in heart of God church.. and I was in it! This is gonna be something I can show off to my kids in the future man.. hahaha. I feel so privileged to have heard Pst Frazer Rowe from C3 Oxford Falls share his message. Men of God are just such great people. Every word that they speak, you listen, you write down, you repeat over and over again to yourself, and you draw all meaning and teaching out of the words, you suck it dry, until nothing is left in it. There is much power in words... and so much the more when a man of God speaks them!

I feel like I'm at a crossroad of sorts. Or maybe a staircase landing. I'm being shown the way up, and the way down. And of course, going down would be so much more easier. I can't say I'm all for going up... but that's my mind speaking, as usual. This time I want to follow my heart, I want to go up. Okay this is beginning to sound kind of cryptic. Hahaha.

Pst Lia mentioned this during her sermon:

I'm a pretty impulsive person. I take up courses of actions that seem most satisfying to me, most sensible, most feasible. Thinking about it now... I don't think I'm a logical person, like how people always say males are like. I'm pretty... illogical, in that sense. Hahaha. Sometimes I will do one thing, and regret it moments later. And I'm not gonna say "it's just me", cuz I don't want this to be part of me at all.

I need to change. I need to decide I want to. I need to start now!

My.. this post is kind of emo isn't it. I better stop here, before I accidentally leak my deepest darkest secrets out! Heh heh heh.

Had dinner tonight with Bryan, Jiaqi, Sindy, Sheldon, Weilong, Ivan, Weeming, Lehung, Weesiang and Huixiang. Was a nice night, me just being my mindless self and everyone else scolding me. I think I really just spent my birthday having mindless fun. Times like that make you appreciate life yknow. Hahaha.

It's an awesome birthday because in a single day I realize how many great friends I actually have, who really care about me. It's been a phenomenal year, both in a good and a bad way. But at the end of every single day, I just tell myself I wouldn't have it any other way. God's hand is upon my life!

Nothing much to blog about my birthday though, really. It was really just mindless fun, and a lot of love being given to me.

Special thanks to Yiwen, and the others from DL4! Seriously, this is the best present I've received in my whole life, and I mean every part of what I'm saying. This is just... love. Hahaha. Yiwen's been a truly awesome friend, she's been there all the time, put up with me alot, stood by me.. thank you, Yiwen! We've still got a long walk ahead of us, let's stick together in this! Hahaha. And the same goes for all you DL4 people! Venus, for the really really pretty drawing of my name, and Ryan for the strings that sound real good, and everyone else! Sorry if I didn't mention you, but you know I love you :D come look for me and I'll give you a hug!

Perhaps birthdays are more significant than I thought they were. Jesus' birthday is huuuuuuuge in the world, isn't it. Hahaha. Birthdays are really just days where you get to see all the love that's always been around you!

Pretty tired now, been a tiring zombie-ish week. Men United conference in 8half hours, it's gonna be another life changing session! :D