Sometimes it gets maddening, when you want to tell someone something, yet you can't say it wholly. Not just because you're human, but also because you don't know it wholly yourself. Your heart screams, but a pillow smothers out that shrill, angsty sound. We start to cry, because no one hears our sorrow. We start kicking and flailing around on our beds, because emotions start to overflow, spill out of your heart, and you can contain it no longer. We throw our blanket onto the floor, because warmth now only makes us feel colder inside. It's this blanket we find ourselves wrapped up in when all our agonizing and lamenting has been done for the night.

You start to wonder where God was all this time. Was He busy working His miracles in other more important, more significant, more worthy lives than yours? Maybe you've not been holy enough to have His love?

But God was that pillow all along. And that bed. And that blanket.

God heard all our screams. He soaked up all those tears you cried, drenched himself in those tears. God felt all that kicking and flailing. He took that pain you couldn't keep in yourself anymore, and silently endured it. You threw God away, onto the floor, because His warmth.. it made you feel vulnerable, weak. Yet God still made his way back onto the bed, and wrapped His loving arms around you, so that you would wake up in His warm embrace.

I need to start living for God, and not for myself, nor others. What others think isn't what God thinks. I can't rely on others or myself anymore.

Lord, today I pray for silence.

I really need to learn how to wake up early. No, actually I need to learn how to not sleep late. Hahaha.

To quote Richard Sanderson,

DREAMS ARE MY REALITY.

I feel like I'm really going through a period of change.

And it's really great to know I now have friends that are gonna be by my side forever. Literally. For eternity! Hahaha. Friends I can pour my heart out to, friends who are always true to me. I thank God for putting these people in my life.

Really don't have much to say.. haven't been in a blogging mood lately.

Oh yeah, I was just reading about this woman minutes ago. Apparently she was one of the most horrible opera singers of all time. Can't remember her name.. but it was some time in the past. And people actually came to her performances just to laugh at her. She even got to perform at Carnegie Hall once, and tickets were sold out! People were paying to see her (lack of) talent, and have a good laugh about it. However, she once said to her friend,

Who cares whether we can sing. Let's all just sing!

Today was the second of Pastor Kong's three sermons for this week. He is such a powerful man of God. There's a great anointing in his preaching.. such a powerful man. One of the points Pst Kong preached was how Christians shouldn't seek just to excel in church, and neglect our lives outside of the church. Was really impactful for me, being a new Christian and all.. I'm gonna have to pray that I get promoted man, hahaha.

Today was OBBB! October Birthday Baby Bash (I got it right this time :D). It was all fun, games and laughter hahaha. I hope everyone had fun. You did right?! Come on. You did. Woohoo. The food was great. The decorations were great. But most of all, the people were great!

In a span of little more than a month my life has changed. For this one month plus I feel life has been more meaningful than my past 17+ years spent without knowing God. The rest of my life lies ahead of me, and I know it's gonna be a great life, for I now have the Holy Spirit in me.

If you're reading this, thank you Barrie, Weihao, Lionel and Yuerong for coming today! It's been great having you here. Don't worry about it, everyone feels uneasy on their first time. I would know. Hahaha. Hope I'll see you guys again here! Come on you guys are celebrities now, your names are on my blog woo.

My left eye's been hurting alot recently. I don't know whether anything' wrong with it. If it doesn't get better I'm gonna have to get it checked out soon.

It's my fourth day learning the guitar. I can play Give Us Clean Hands (okay it doesn't really sound human but at least I'm getting there so shut up!). My fingers on the left hand are screaming out to me every night. And I'm using my sister's classical guitar, the fretboard is so wide, I have to stretch my fingers wiiiide to get my chords right. Argh. (Hehehe y'know friends I wouldn't mind getting an acoustic guitar for my birthday. AT ALL. HEHEHE.)

No I'm just kidding.

Actually... I'm kidding, but you can still get me the guitar.

Nah just kidding.. maybe.

:D

Rugby training starts again this coming Tuesday. Fitness is at a disgustingly low level. I mean for me. It's going to be.. hoggible. Argh. We love you, Jamal.

D5 is such an awesome place to be in. We do everything with such passion. We sing with passion, we play with passion. We even sweep the floor with passion. But it's also a place where one can find wisdom when they seek it, guidance when they need it. And it's also so much more. It's just an awesome place, and I'm sure God put me here for a reason, as with all others that are here. It's hard to put into words.. you gotta be here to feel it. Hahaha.

I'm tired as crap right now. I'm only typing this post cuz Valerie (Wallaby) asked me to blog. It's been a great day, with Pst Kong's sermon and OBBB. Greater things have yet to come!

To recap the five things for myself...

1. Set your heart to seek God
2. Stand firm before the Lord
3. Trust and believe in the power of prayer
4. Wait for the Holy Spirit
5. Praise the Lord, our God!

"A man does not make his own destiny - he accepts it or denies it." - Ursula K Le Guin in one of her books

I see destiny as what we've been given by God, and fate as what we make of these gifts from Him.

And I think prayer is really such a powerful thing. Prayer can move mountains, Weicheng said in his text.

To end it off...

I still really wouldn't mind that guitar.

:D

And Sharylkua never left my sight for this 12.5 hours. The only time she did was during hide-and-seek. Couldn't find anyone. I hate that game.

I think some of the most meaningful moments in life take place at the most unlikely settings. It's why we should seize every moment for what it is.

Morning powerhouse prayermeeting was real powerful. In the morning you're pretty much free of stuff bothering you in your head. Either because it's the start of a new day, or you're too tired to think.

I'm gonna have to start praying for direction. I know God has the best plan for me. And I think... the drums might just be one of the manifestations of my pursuit of personal glory. I know I want to glorify His name, but I can't rule out the possibility. But drums are only a small part of it.. I hope. Hahaha. I will have to pray.. and pray and pray.

Anyway, it's been a really great day. A very 'Oh, Happy Day'. I am so damn sleepy. I need to go sleep now.

"There are two ways to live life: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

I hate hide-and-seek.

So.. I've been trying to learn how to play the guitar for the past two days. My fingertips are screaming, and I have no idea why my first string (the finest one) always buzzes when I play. I think I'm not pressing it down properly. Guitars are confusing. And if everything goes well I'll be able to start drum lessons within the next week.. let's hope they do go well hahaha.

Yiwen's birthday just passed. Sadly it happened to land right in the middle of exams this year. We can still celebrate it though! There's 364 more days before her next birthday! Woohoo.

I can't stop listening to Amazing Grace. If you haven't, go look up the story behind the writing of the song. It makes the song so much more impactful to listen to.

My vocabulary is deteriorating. My English is deteriorating. My brain is deteriorating. I think I should start reading books again. And smash my computer into 95385245024525 bits. Because it's making me stupider. Well, smarter, but in a stupid sense, because I get to read about loads of stupid things. Smupid computer. Smartpid. Stupart. Smapid.

I have my Chemistry papers 1 and 2 in about 6 hours. I'm gonna have to pray hard I can promote.. but if I don't I guess I'll just have to think about what to do next. Jeremiah 29:11! (Thanks SharylKUA hahaha)

My favourite writer is Ursula K Le Guin. Go read her books. They're mostly science fiction. The Left Hand Of Darkness is really really good. Science fiction isn't all fancy lasers and spaceships and aliens. Well okay it does have such things. But more than that, science fiction is representative of the future. It reflects our perceptions of the future, and thus gives us insight into our perceptions of ourselves. Le Guin's stories make you sit down and wonder what the world really is to us, among many other thoughts she brings out in you through her writing. I think books are really amazing things. Every time we finish the journey between the covers of a book we're changed on the inside, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. The computer is really not helping me. Arghhhhh.

Now.. for everyone's most anticipated part.. THE LATEST UPDATE ON D-LUSION! Um.. there's nothing I think. Sorry to disappoint you. Hahaha. Check back next week!

I don't have much else to write.. gosh my post is boring hahaha.

Anyway hello world! This is my first official post. Valcheong very kindly created a blog for me. Thanks Val! I was only joking, but I guess she wasn't hahaha.

I don't know what people type on a blog. Who's gonna read my blog?! This is scary. But since Val was so nice to create this blog for me, let's try typing something for you (whoever you are) to read huh...

Exams are almost over. I have my last two papers on this coming Monday. I have no idea whether I can make it to J2. Everyone's going crazy about promos. Exams are evil.

My mp3's bursting with songs. Apparently 8GB isn't enough for me. I thought it was.

Yiwen told me about LARPers yesterday. Go look them up. I think they're cool. Retarded, but cool nonetheless.

On Wednesday we had our Literature exam. The poems were by William Wordsworth and something something Yeats. I think they are crazy. Crazy people are all great poets.

I'm still thinking of which phone to get. Lots of people say the HTC Hero's good but lacks the hardware to support itself. And HTC stands for High Tech Computer!!! That's just dumb. Hahaha.

I found a bowl to cook noodles in last night. When my mum came back she told me she used to use that bowl for her plants.

Okay I don't think my blog's supposed to be like that. I'm just listing down what goes on in my everyday life hahaha. Let's try to 'delve into my emotional self'.

...can't think of anything.

D-lusion's going to be real! We joke about it everyday but it'll slowly burrow into our sub-consciousness and before we know it we're all going to be on stage glorifying God! Okay that sounds dumb. But I have faith in our worship leader and BVs! Hahaha.

I really have nothing to write :/

Oh speaking of write there's this store at TampinesOne called UrbanWrite. IT'S DAMN COOL it's something like Made With Love at PS but it's got nice stuff the latter doesn't have. Yiwen's taking me away from my turtle shell in the mountains woohoo.

I am getting kind of bored. Blogging's tiring. Hahaha. I'll try again next time.

Once again, thanks Valcheong! You really sacrificed for me! Hahaha.

hello hey yo! this is my very first post.
:D:D:D
very excited to bloggg :P

just because....
i've went against ALL odds,
taken a step of faith against my past beliefs...
& into a new world and dimension of blogging!
whoooohoooooooo!

i'll rock your socks man people!!
just wait and seeeeeeeeee~
HAHA!